What is behind communication dysfunction?

I have spoken with many people with whom I strongly disagree. Most times it is a chore to have a discussion with people like this, especially people who are close to me. It seems we are both playing tug of war trying to get the other to fall onto our side of reasoning and become enlightened to our seemingly perfect perspective. It was recently pointed out to me that many times our goal in communication is off. Many times our goal in communication is to agree. This is often because we value people who agree with us more than people who disagree. Yeah, you guessed it. That is the bad part. The part when I realized I need to change what I use to determine a person's value. Instead of valuing a person more because they agree with me, I should value them as a person first. This sounds really simple, but if you really think about how you interact, it is pretty revolutionary to start off valuing someone no matter what their viewpoints are. I have found this especially helpful in my marriage. My wife and I will often disagree on fundamental things like emotional reality versus rational reality. There are a plethora of occasions for disagreement and now I see these as opportunities to understand her better. This is huge and I think a fundamental insight to helping turn the tide on communication dysfunction in our homes, workplaces, schools, and athletic arenas. So what is the new goal? If not to agree, than what? I would say to understand.

To communicate to understand means to listen intently, ask meaningful questions and carefully choose how you express yourself. This is a scary place to go, because with this kind of communication you actually get to know other people and, God help us, people will get to know you! We will have more authentic relationships and our dialogue will include rather than exclude people. Because we can learn to be more welcoming in our speech, this is essential for the Christian life. I have observed that people are repulsed by me when I am only out to get them to agree with me, but if my first priority is to understand them, I find myself caring more about who they are than what they think. People will typically perceive this and appreciate my care for them as a person. When there is this kind of environment -where each party is equally valued- it feels much safer to explore ideas with which the other disagrees.

It is in this safe place that people can explore the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Whether we are communicating with a family member who is closest to us or a stranger with whom we have no relationship, we can still create a safe place for them by seeing them as God sees them -beautiful, created with purpose and significance, worth dying for, a child of the living God. When we see them as He does, our definition of their worth changes from performance-based to identity-based. When we see their true identity in God, we will value them as people and create a safe place where they will be much more likely to listen to us as we share with them the Gospel of Jesus. It is really a win win. We get to be more like Jesus, which is what we are looking to do and people get to see our message as the good news that it is because it is stripped of our pride and self-righteousness. Praise God,this is good stuff. Let's go with God and do it.

John 15:12 "This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you."

Psalm 139:13 "You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb"

John 17: 20 "I do not ask on behalf of these alone, but for those also who believe in Me through their word; that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me."

Who is Jesus?

Summertime and the Livin' is Easy?

There was no more anticipated time than summer when I was growing up. I remember how long and glorious the days were when they were void of school, homework and extracurricular activities. My freedom was usually dedicated to some sort of large project like building a tree house or restoring a motorcycle.
I remember the death of summer as I knew it came my freshman year of college. I no longer took long trips to the beach, or went searching for a better place to mountain bike. I worked for 8 hours a day, lifted weights, sprinted through conditioning drills and attended summer school. My college summers represented the kind of drudgery that I imagined only characters from the Grapes of Wrath could identify. I remember how odd it was that nearly everyone on the football team dreaded fall camp, while I was waiting for the deliverance it would bring. I often remember going from work to work out to class thinking, "someday I will have a job whether it is football or a typical career and I won't have to serve two masters."
That was the really hard part about those summers. People from my work didn't understand the demands of my football training and the coaches (so I thought) didn't understand the demands of my job. I was caught in a trap serving (and despising) two masters. Both demanded my complete attention and I had the pressure of guilt that caused me to remember to go to summer school too.
It was a tormented life, but now as I look back on it, it didn't have to be like that. I could have been making the main thing, the most important thing my relationship with my Creator. When God is ultimate in my life I have realized that I can face anything, because I am not trying to force my job, my sport, my education or my family into a place that only God can fill. God requires all of me, but not to take away all my energy and leave me confused, torn, and exhausted. He requires all of me so that his Holy Spirit can empower me to do everything better and to my full potential. When God is ultimate, everything I do is valuable for eternity. What I do now, whether it is work, play, school, church, or family stuff, I know that it has eternal significance because I am doing it all out of my relationship with God.

^{Colossians 3:23} And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, ²⁴ knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.

Open Gym

I just had a blast playing volleyball with some of UNR's volleyball team. They were very accommodating and encouraging, so when I occupied the wrong position on the court or sent ball ricocheting off my hands randomly. I had to enter their world with humility and learn quickly where I was supposed to be and how I was supposed to contribute. This comfortable atmosphere was not at all what I expected when I first walked into the gym. Before we started playing, I had a surprising feeling of anxiety. I simply didn't know what I was supposed to do. Luckily, I knew a few of the volleyball players already, so I asked them what to do. All I remember about athletic warm-ups involves plyometrics, dynamic stretching, and cracking your knuckles. I thought about doing this, but thought better of it, so I asked Tati what to do for warm-up. She showed me how to warm-up for volleyball. It turns out it was much different than my usual football or shot-put warm-up. We passed the ball back and forth doing various motions to warm-up the muscles that will be used in volleyball. This allowed me the opportunity to familiarize myself with the volleyball. I really appreciated this because I was able to get used to how to hit, pass, and handle the ball before we were actually playing (when it counts). All of the various aspects of open gym really intrigued me. The fact that anyone was welcomed and accepted with humility into an atmosphere of mutual encouragement. There was something deeply spiritual about it. There were those on the outside trying to figure it out for themselves, but eventually they joined the round robin game and found what seemed to be a uncomfortable insider's game was really an inclusive, humble, encouraging community. It is my dream to help the people of God look more like the people at open gym: a various mix of experts, novices, and anyone in-between cooperating to grow in our relationships with God and contribute to the lives of others.

John 13:35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

Romans 15:7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

Ephesians 4:2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

God's Playbook

I don't like to draw overly simplistic analogies. The Bible is like God's Playbook is one that I hesitate to use because I don't think it fully communicates all of what the Bible actually is. It does however get at one thing that is true about God's word, the Bible. When we think of a playbook, we think of instruction. I remember that a playbook was helpful because it showed me how I fit into the bigger scheme of the game. I knew as a defensive tackle that I was supposed to play through my gap in the offensive line . What I came to realize was that by playing my position well, I freed up the other players to play their position. I also noticed that when I didn't play my position, the rest of the team would have to play out of their assigned position to cover me.
The deep spiritual truth about this circumstance is that God has given us the Bible to help us see what our purpose is here on earth. We can know what our position is and what our assignment is in that position. The tragic thing is that all too often we don't read the Bible, so we don't know what we are supposed to do. This results in us playing the wrong position (perhaps someone else's) and working hard trying to do too much and not really contributing to God's game plan.
To put it simply, God wants us to be in right relationship with Him and through that he wants to reconcile the world to Himself. This includes all of creation. How we get to participate in God's reconciliation of the world is different for each of us.
Ephesians 2:10 says,
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.But all of us that are Christians are called to be ambassadors of God's good news as it says in
2 Corinthians 5:19,20
And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God.

Hungry?

I was encouraged by reading this today:

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."
-Matthew 5:6

As an athlete, I get hungry after a workout. We all do! If we don't eat, it affects everything we do. We get lazy and don't want to do anything. An average human needs to eat at least every four to five hours.

The same mindset we have for eating actual food should also be the mindset we have for taking in God's Word. His Word has to be honey to our lips and water to our souls. If we go too long without eating spiritual food we will turn to desires of the flesh to satisfy those internal needs.
You can only go so long without seeking God before you get spiritually hungry. This doesn't only refer to reading God's Word, it also can reference spending time in prayer or even listening to Christian music. Walking with God and feeling how amazing He is satisfies our cravings. You see, He created us to desire relationship with Him, and the only way to fill that desire is to seek after Him.
Today, nourish your soul with the food it was meant to receive. Let the Lord quench your thirst and fill your hunger needs.

Recommended reading:


John 6:35

by Justin Aguirre, student-athlete

Espn Good Sportsmanship